Words Of Encouragement | Disgrace Will Ultimately Humble Us


designPride.

We know that God hates pride. Proverbs 16:5 “The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.” I don’t know about you, but I hate to do anything that God Almighty hates…and I do not want to be punished. So, for me, I want to really pay attention to this.

The obstacle of pride will keep us from drawing closer with God. It seems obvious; however, we struggle with this almost every day. Without even thinking, we often wake up and begin our day exactly the way we want to. Pride shows itself as we selfishly do things without God. We can even on a “good day” put forth an honest effort to put ourselves in the right place and hold God up high; but we always fall short and put ourselves in the high place, don’t we?

We love ourselves naturally. It doesn’t take much for us to put ourselves above others and have them not see Christ in our lives. Our eyes leave God and we don’t need Him any longer. Sadly, we then miss out on seeing His power and His glory. Ultimately, we are on a wrong path leading us to separation from Him.

It breaks God’s heart when we do not listen to Him. Ultimately, pride will take us captive. In Jeremiah 13:17, it tells us “If you do not listen, I will weep in secret because of your pride; my eyes will weep bitterly, overflowing with tears, because the Lord’s flock will be taken captive.” Just the thought of this brings me to tears. I would like to take a moment and ask you to visualize God’s face with tears running down His face as He looks at our prideful hearts. The verse doesn’t just say that His eyes were overflowing with tears, but that His eyes weep bitterly. Have you ever wept bitterly? The heart severely hurts and feels oh-so-heavy, right? It is helpful for us to understand the emotion fully so we can understand God’s heart.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2 The definition of disgrace is: loss of reputation or respect, dishonor, shame, discredit. As I ponder this, I can see a direct correlation of disgrace and why pride is something that God hates for His children. When we behave in a way that is prideful, we do not allow others to see Him. We steal all His glory and our job is to BRING others to His glory!  In addition to disgracing God’s glory, have you ever been around someone who is full of pride? They are annoying to be around and they are difficult to respect. Pride can destroy a marriage and wound children. It can tear apart a friendship. Because we are supposed to bear Christ’s name as a Christian many in the world do not see God; and sadly, pride has a lot to do with this.

One thing for sure, disgrace will ultimately humble us. For some, they seem to be more hard-headed and live through more disgrace than others (look at the story about Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4). We can either choose to let God humble us or develop humbleness ourselves. Fortunately, there is hope for us yet! If we truly work on humbling ourselves, we will have His wisdom! When we see ourselves in the rightful place as a servant of God and He is the King; we will lower ourselves before His majesty and worship Him. He wants to gift us with His wisdom.

We must be obedient and humble ourselves before the King on a daily basis. So often we pray that God will make us humble. (That sounds scary now that we just read about Nebuchadnezzar!) However, James 4:10 Says “Humble YOURSELF before the Lord, and He will lift you up.” How does this look? God gives us circumstances every day to humble ourselves. Do we look at these as opportunities to learn humility? Given the opportunity, we have the choice to defend ourselves and not see what it is that God is showing us; or we can choose to humble ourselves and honor God by bowing down to Him in all areas of our lives; especially when we need to admit our faults. The choice is ours.

Relationship Help | Using God’s Word


designCommunication is well known to be either an obstacle or a passageway to success for marriage; or any relationship for that matter. We can either wreak havoc with our words and facial expressions or build up. There are many verses in the Bible about our tongue; here are a few:

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 17:27 Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

Proverbs 21:23 Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Let’s browse through some principles that can be learned from these verses. I love tearing verses apart and studying key words!

Ephesians 4:29:

  1. Corrupt talk: humiliating; demeaning; undignified; shameful; contaminating; harming; damaging. (Antonym: decent; honest; honorable; pure; trustworthy; wholesome)
  2. Grace: favor, good will, kindness, disposition to oblige another; Webster 1828 definition: Virtuous or religious affection or disposition, as a liberal disposition, faith, meekness, humility, patience, etc. proceeding from divine influence.

Quite a contrast, right? Imagine speaking to one another in a way that is honest yet full of virtuous affection! Some of the benefits are faith in each other, meekness, humility, and patience.

Proverbs 18:21:

  1. Death: demise; loss; decease
  2. Life: existence; high spirits; activity; energy; enthusiasm; entity; lifeblood
  3. Power: ability; competence; dynamism; gift
  4. Love: adore; appreciate
  5. Eat: consume; absorb; devour; digest
  6. Fruits: harvest; results of labor; benefit; effect.

Loss/demise and high spirits/energy are in the ability of the tongue…and those who adore it will absorb/digest its harvest.  In other words, you can either cause death and demise with your words, or you can lift someone’s spirits and give them energy. Which harvest do you want to digest?

Proverbs 17:27:

  1. Restrains: keep under control; hold back
  2. Knowledge: person’s understanding; information; awareness
  3. Cool: calm; collected; levelheaded
  4. Understanding: comprehend; the faculty of the human mind by which it apprehends the real state of things presented to it

The one who keeps his words under control is aware. His calm, levelheaded spirit is a man who comprehends what is presented to him.

Proverbs 21:23:

  1. Keeps: maintains; holds; conserves; protects

This one is a no-brainer. You keep yourself out of trouble when you protect what you say, when you say it and how you say it. Become a professional question asker. Making statements can make someone be on the defensive. Don’t say anything when you know you shouldn’t say it.  You can also say the right thing with a really bad attitude. Those are guaranteed ways to get in trouble! Holding your tongue does not mean that you shut up and hold things in. However, there might be a time that you need to hold off for a while until your attitude improves or the timing is better. It is so important, if you do decide to hold off on communicating in the moment, to let the other person know that you are thinking about it AND make sure you get back with them!

Proverbs 16:24:

  1. Gracious: pleasant; agreeableness
  2. Honeycomb: a structure of hexagonal, thin-walled cells constructed from beeswax by honeybees to hold honey (& larvae).
  3. Soul: a breathing creature
  4. Health: strength; vigor; well-being

Pleasant words are sweet like honey; sweetness to the breathing creature giving strength and well-being.

Hopefully this will open our eyes to the importance of our words and the effect they have on the human spirit. We can give life or cause death to the spirit. Our words need to be honest and produce grace to the hearer. It is so important to keep our words under control and aware of what is being said in a calm and levelheaded way so that when other’s words come to us that we comprehend what their heart is saying. You will stay out of trouble if you protect what you say, when you say it and how you speak. Then we see the sweet reward of learning to communicate in God’s ways with the results of our lives being full of health, strength and well-being.

It is so encouraging to me that God knew our tendency to live in the flesh with our mouths and yet He lovingly instructs us on steps to lead us to strong and prosperous lives. It always boils down to that choice. The choice that is presented to us in the heat of the moment. The more we know God’s word and the more we hide it in our hearts; the more we live in His ways and reap these amazing benefits.

Concept Review | Training The Human Spirit


mydesign“Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep” Romans 12:15

Talk about fulfillment! This one lone verse is replete with it.

As the twelfth chapter in Romans begins, we are informed of the high standards God holds forth. It’s a challenge for those who represent God. And, since they have accepted Christ as their personal Savior, they are supposed to be an illustration of Him, also.

Maybe you’re like me. I have heard many sermons on verses 1-14 and 16+. But, I’ve never heard a message on verse 15. This particular verse reminds me of two stories about Jesus.

One story that is found in Luke 7:11-15 is about the widow of Nain. It tells us that Jesus entered into her emotions. His heart/spirit was so profoundly affected that He found himself compelled to bring her son back to life and return him to her.

The other story, in John 11:33-36, tells us that Jesus’ heart/spirit was deeply touched by a woman named Mary. Her grief over the death of her brother Lazarus was so open that it brought Jesus to tears. It was not something He hid. Those watching attributed His ability to identify so emotionally with Mary to His love for Lazarus.

Reflecting on those illustrations of Christ’s heart/spirit, and wanting to be like Jesus, let’s see what we can gain from the original language. This study also enables me to make more specific application in my own life.  Here is a breakdown.

Rejoice: Greek, chairo (khah-ee-ro) be cheerful, happy, well off, be glad, joyful

With: Greek, sun (soon) denoting union, together, about as close as possible, to resemble

Them: Greek, autos (ow-tos) other persons, the other of self, those, together

Weep: Greek, klaio (klah-yo) to sob, wail aloud, bewail, weep

To paraphrase this verse: “I can measure my ability to illustrate God’s standards by testing myself to see if I am completely functional, emotionally. This can be validated by whether or not I illustrate the ability to experience, among a host of emotions, cheerfulness and joyfulness. Then, when other people are joyful and cheerful, I will be able to unite as close as possible emotionally with them. I will resemble them emotionally. Naturally then, in times of grief, I’d be just as capable of relating to others as though it were myself when they are sobbing or weeping out loud. God knows that this characteristic alone will bring a high degree of comfort to others.”

Since living here, where Satan brings so much grief, isn’t it exhilarating and gratifying to think we can counteract Satan by bringing comfort to the heart/spirit of another person?

Can you name the four emotions in the last sentence?

Words of Encouragement | The Mug


zxcdIt was my husband’s birthday this month. I decided to get him something from the heart for his gift; so I chose to go to the paint your own pottery shop here in town. Searching through the options on the shelves, I selected a coffee mug. He loves coffee so this would be perfect!

Now, I needed to make a decision of what to paint. I know his favorite colors are red and black, so that would be the colors. There were books to look at in order to help get the creative juices flowing; I picked this curly design and placed a heart in the center of the mug.

I started by painting the red on the mug; leaving the white to show through in a shape of a heart. Then I put black paint on the handle and around the rim. I pulled out the fine-tipped, black paint marker and began to make curly designs on the red paint. I had a picture in my mind; but for the life of me it was not looking quite like my image.

This stuff is tedious work, people! The tip of the marker kept getting clogged with the red paint (It stays a chalky texture until it goes in the kiln).  I began feeling super stressed. Elijah, the 9 year old boy I had with me finished his shark and was getting antsy. We decided it would be a great idea if he selected another item to paint. My mono-vision contacts, from looking close then far away, were making my eyes feel over stimulated. I am sure that you have felt that feeling before; you have high expectations and nothing seems to be going right. You can physically feel the stress. Then it happened. I put my finger right into where I painted and smudged the design. Talk about feeling irritable, I wanted to cry and throw the mug away. Not quite sure what I was thinking, but I resolved the mistake by putting a FLOWER over the smudge. Yes, on my husband’s manly mug…a flower. But one flower wasn’t enough; I had to balance it out and put several flowers on it.

Finishing off, I put his name at the bottom and painted a black rim at the top with red dots on the inside. I hated it. All I saw was “pink” paint, flowers, and it was definitely not the image I had in mind for this gift. My mom was with me. We both were laughing as we retold the situation to my husband and my dad. All of the “what I should have done’s” were mentioned. I should have done a different design. I should have just put my name on it and re-made him a manlier one. I should have put hearts instead of the flowers. I should have dropped it…on and on. Tim just laughed and told me he would love it; even when I told him that it looked like a pig threw up curly-ques.

I went to pick up the mug at the shop. The owner, as she pulls my artwork out of the box, says, “And this one turned out so nice!” I couldn’t believe it! And, I was surprised as I looked at it. The pink was bright red and the black was way more muted. The curly-ques were much milder than they were before it went into the kiln. It did; it actually looked pretty good! I got into the car and called my mom after sending her a text message with a picture of it!  We talked about the significance of the fire. Interesting, right? Just like in life as we have situations that paint us, decorate us, fail us, and even cover up the mistakes with new attempts to do things correctly. Then God, fully in His amazing grace, comes when we allow Him to and puts a coat of plain glaze right over top of our “artwork”. Then, He puts us in the kiln. Fire is never comfortable; but boy does the pottery come out beautiful afterwards! The glaze makes everything nice and shiny; even the colors change. His plans are always the best.

The “game-changer” in this situation is the willingness to be put into the fire. The Bible talks about not getting comfortable but allowing God to move us into His image.  You read through scripture and there is story after story of God calling people out of their comfort zones. Read Daniel 3 for the story about three men (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego) who literally went into the fire!  Their willingness, obedience and faith in God resulted in changed lives of many people. I am sure their “mug” (situation) didn’t look too good before and as they were taken into the fire! But what a glorious story after!

I was driving down the road and heard the song by 7eventh Time Down called “God Is On The Move.”  While I love the song, it really struck me that WE need to be “moving” along with Him.  James 1:22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”  So often we see husbands who get involved in seeking Christ-likeness and only do painting. They never seem to allow God to put the glaze on and certainly when it gets too hot from the fire, they become defensive and sometimes even quit. God certainly IS on the move. He wants to do BIG things in our lives. Remember the quote, “NO PAIN, NO GAIN”; well, it is like that with our quest to Christ-likeness. God has even warned us of this in scripture. Although there are many verses that allude to this hardship; one is Acts 14:22, “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God.”

In closing, the question is: Do you want to go through life feeling like you are just painting (or playing Christian)? Along with this come feelings of anxiety, frustration, emptiness, like giving in/throwing in the towel (breaking the mug), insecurity, dissatisfaction, etc. God has such a better picture in mind! Stay the course and allow Him to finish what He has started. Follow Him.  As the song says, “God is on the move, on the move, Hallelujah! God is on the move; in many mighty ways.” He does take us into the fire. It isn’t always easy; but discovering your Spirit, for husbands knowing and understanding the spirit of your wife, and knowing and learning God’s Spirit is AMAZING! I am so glad I didn’t throw away the mug. Tim loved it when I gave it to him. And so it is with God’s ways; the blessings are huge and so worth the fire!

Written by Denise Wedel

Principles and Projects | SPIRITUAL SEEDS THAT REAP CHRIST-LIKENESS


sowing-the-seeds-that-reap-christlikenessExcerpted from the book SPIRITUAL SEEDS THAT REAP CHRIST-LIKENESS volume one

Although I was married in 1959 it wasn’t until 1971 that my circumstances caused me to recognize that I was in serious trouble.  So much so, that it forced me to recognize that I needed to do some deep soul-searching and challenge myself.

I was staring at a disaster; caused by conducting my marriage from my perspective. All the time, God was patiently waiting for circumstances to drive me to a place where I would turn to Him for direction.

The time had come for my Christianity to become more than mere words and theological habits. I needed to search out; re-evaluate my life and then pursue God’s goals for my life and marriage; which I discovered, meant becoming more and more like Christ to my wife and children. I needed to accept the responsibility (as the spiritual leader in my home) to lead as Christ would. Those are also the ultimate purposes of this book.

To accomplish those purposes, here are Five Challenging Concepts (which are like spiritual seeds for the gardener who wants spiritual growth) all of which I believe God revealed to me and to which I hold myself accountable. These concepts (or spiritual seeds) yielded for me and I believe will yield for every Christian man… the same brand of Christianity the Apostles died for.

These concepts presented me with a challenge, and I’m passing that challenge on. Are we willing to become the Christ-like spiritual leaders in our homes that God requires we be?  Not so incidentally, that requires an intense commitment to God. A commitment wherein we will need to determine; are we willing to pay the sacrificial price required to gain the necessary understanding that will enable us to become more and more Christ-like!

God is going to bring every man to a place where he will have to decide; am I willing to accept the challenge of literally illustrating Christ. Exemplifying the ability to respond to all of the events in my life as Christ would?

Let me take this opportunity to mention, it definitely is the intent of this series of books, to present every Christian man with a challenge: The most demanding concepts he may ever face; requiring that he meet some of the strictest opportunities for illustrating Christ in his Christian home (and community) he may ever be confronted with.

This challenge centers on the following Five Concepts or Five Spiritual Seeds that are presented in question form. They represent seeds that need to be nurtured so they can grow and provide spiritual nutrition; becoming a part of who we are; since it’s said, We are what we eat!”

SEED #1, answers this question: What needs to happen before a man can prove he understands his own human spirit well enough that he would be qualified to be a Christ-like spiritual leader?  Proverb 25:28 requires that a man understand his own human spirit; warning him about the trouble he will encounter if he does not have, “…rule over his own spirit.” (KJV) If we do not recognize, nor specifically understand, our own human spirit, how is it even possible that we could build spiritual maturity in ourselves or in those we are supposed to be spiritually responsible for?

SEED #2, answers this question: What is specifically involved in dying to self; how does a man put his own “flesh” to death?  II Cor. 7:1 clearly instructs us to, “… cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and filthiness of the spirit.” (KJV)  Do we know how to recognize our flesh in all of its manifestations?  Do we even recognize when and how our flesh manifests itself in our everyday lives? Knowing these things enables a man to understand what is necessary to put his flesh to death, and allows him to acquire greater spiritual strength.

SEED #3, answers this question: What is necessary before a man is capable of literally understanding the mind of a woman as Christ would/does?  This capability would enable a man to discover even more about spiritual leadership and spiritual power. Then too, I Peter 3:7, commands that we, “… live with our wives in an understanding way… that our prayers be not hindered.” (ESV)

SEED #4, answers this question: What is involved in a man developing the ability to actually illustrate Christ to his wife, every day in his life?  We know that Christ was/is, spiritually mature! And, Ephesians 5:23-27 requires that we be like Christ to our wives; Romans 8:29 also requires that we be conformed to the image of God’s Son. If we are struggling in our marriages, and the evidence clearly illustrates that there is a lack of harmony and oneness, then Christ-likeness in a husband (the spiritual leader) is missing.

What resources will we draw upon to discover when, where or how we are not Christ-like? What resources will we use to help us discover how to discipline ourselves, so we would more effectively illustrate Christ not only to our wives but to everyone? How about drawing upon the help that God ordained for us? Do you know what that help is?

SEED #5, answers this question: How does a man successfully discern God’s intentions and directions in every situation? Can he interpret all of life’s physical events, in such a way that he is able to turn them into beneficial spiritual lessons?  Thereby, daily, being an example; leading his family into victorious living? Romans 8:28 says, “…all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good …” (AMP) What is the evidence that we specifically do understand, what the good is, that God wants to accomplish in everything that take place in our lives, daily?

If we are going to be an illustration of Christ to the world, doesn’t it make sense that we would have to learn these Five Concepts (plant these Five Spiritual Seeds in our own spiritual lives) before we could teach them to others?

Doesn’t it make sense that we cannot bring stability to the Christian community without personally providing the kind of spiritual leadership (especially in our marriages) that Christ would?

Doesn’t it make sense that we cannot bring stability to Christian marriages if we do not understand our own wife’s heart/spirit so well that in each situation we face in our marriages, our wives feel as though they’ve had an encounter with Christ?

Doesn’t it make sense that we cannot offer the hope of stability in the homes of other Christian, unless we are the kind of Christ-like example in our own home that brings stability? That, like Christ, we would know our wife’s spirit so well that we know what our wives would be thinking in a given situation? We aren’t guessing or thinking we know… we know! And, our wives will readily testify that we do indeed, know what their thinking would be in a given situation?

Doesn’t it make sense that we would not be able to pass on the necessary knowledge or specific understanding about the human spirit, if we don’t thoroughly understand our own human spirits, nor our wife’s spirit?

Doesn’t it make sense that if we are unable to specifically identify each of our emotions, its living proof that we are emotionally unfamiliar and dysfunctional? And when that’s true, we will not be able to identify with the emotional needs of our wives (or others) and as such we will not be capable of caring for their emotional needs. That being the case we will not be able to minister to them as Christ would.  (See Hebrews 4:14-16)

Now, having said all of that, may I propose that the most significant means God has devised; so we could develop spiritual understanding and leadership, is found within the framework of the home… marriage! It is the most challenging institution for building relationships!

Marriage is the first institution that God Himself established. His purpose is, that it is the most significant and demanding resource for training a man to illustrate Christ.

Marriage presents circumstances wherein a man’s true nature and character are revealed. Then, as necessary, he can alter his normal-to-man character; that it be conformed to Christ’s character. Marriage is also meant to be the most rewarding relationship in the world!

Concerning this role of spiritual leadership and how serious God is about it: read Malachi 2:13-15. (NASB) In it, God explains what His expectations are of spiritual leadership; expectations that require a high degree of spiritual awareness, along with a complete ability to understand our own spirit and the spirits of our wives.  Then, we can successfully provide Christ-like care for our wives and others.

Daily Devotional | A Magnifying Glass


nHave you ever met someone and thought to yourself, “Man, how can they not see how they act?” Their bad behavior seems to blatantly glare for all to see; except they seem blind to it. I have. In fact, sometimes I don’t even want to be around that person. Usually I think to myself, “I sure wish someone who is close to them would share how they come across.”

When we are small, our parents hopefully began sharing with us early on that our bad behavior was unacceptable. God, in His infinite wisdom, put family and people in our lives to help us to expose our flesh. I know that for me, this is true. When we spend a lot of time with people we are able to see those faults much more easily; it is a lot like a magnifying glass.

We have a choice. We can balk at the “help” or we can accept it. I find it interesting when I hear my own children state that they have found working through certain character issues of their siblings (both dealing with their sibling/s and themselves on the things their siblings pointed out to them) has helped them with their spouses. It was an area that we really pointed out; that God didn’t by accident place all of us together in a family and that we are supposed to learn and grow to be more like Him every day. Much time was spent on discussing these issues and behaviors; as well as how we should speak to each other.

This should not stop when we get married. I often feel like a magnifying glass for my husband.  When we were dating, I remember him sharing things with me as well. It was mutual and I really felt like I could learn. However, when we got married I noticed a shift. He became very defensive when I shared things with him, he was harsh with me when he shared things with me, and he was hypocritical when he demanded more from me in areas. When we had children, things didn’t change for the better. It got worse.

I know often we women are told to “build up our husband’s ego,” “don’t nag,” “make our husband’s feel like a man,” etc., right? But, I would like to challenge this way of thinking. Let’s go back to my original statement. People are not naturally inclined to see their own bad behavior. We are defensive and sinful. God shares in His word for us to hold each other accountable. It also states in Genesis 2:18, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

Who loves the husband more than the wife?! She is going to be the perfect one to help him see how he does not look like Christ. I found that I was becoming frustrated and hurt when I observed and shared with my husband his sin nature and he was not receiving that as help. Eventually I became angry and that made me upset at myself for behaving in an unChrist-like way. Not all women show their frustration and hurt in the same way; some will withdraw and shut down.

But, the good news is that my husband became involved in Christ Quest Ministries and developed a quest to become like Christ. He began to value my words as help and saw me as part of “his team”, not as his enemy. The more he became like Christ, the more my anger left. The more he became like Christ; the more I wanted his help to lead me more and more to Christ.  Ephesians 5:21-33 is a famous passage that many refer to for helping with marriage. The verse that usually gets overlooked is verse 21, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” I was able to really see this verse in action. The more Tim submitted to God, the more I wanted to submit to him; ultimately taking us both closer to God! How wonderful it is for me to look at my husband and know that to anyone he comes into contact with, that he will be representing God better. I know that he cannot see his areas that don’t look like Jesus easily and I love that he welcomes me to get out that “magnifying glass” to help him. What a difference it makes even in my heart and approach when I know that he will welcome my help; I don’t have that anger or frustration. We are just two people trying to learn how to be more like Christ together! We are a team!

Relationship Help | Marriage Lessons


Discovery-Seminar-DVD-case-HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO RESOLVE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?

Arguments continue without solutions. On, on, on, on. Frustrations continue day-after-day, mo. after mo. yr. after yr.

If we’re going to build the kind of spiritual leadership that inspires confidence in others; that leadership will necessarily, have to illustrate the ability to understand the specific differences between men and women.

Here’s what I mean:

A wife says to husband: “Our marriage sure doesn’t have any life to it anymore.  We could just as easily be divorced.  I don’t even believe you love me anymore.”

Puzzled, her husband reacts with a grimacing question on his face: “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She states matter-of-factly: “I don’t think you care about our marriage anymore.”

He judges her: “That’s ridiculous! Why do you say stupid things like that?”

She offers her reasons: “Well… we never spend any time together anymore. You’re always too busy for us.”

He gets defensive: “Well, what do you want from me? I’m only trying to do what I need to, so I can provide for my family.”

She gets vulnerable: “What do I want from you? I want more time! But you know what I really wish? I wish you wanted to spend more time with me.”

He snaps back: “Well I do!” (This is my, “you’ll be glad you spent time with me look!”)

She’s doubtful: “Then why don’t we do more things together?”

He challenges her: “Like what?”

She reflects back: “F-o-r example, we never go out for dinner together.”

Defensively he shoots back: “Okay, you want to go out to dinner, then we’ll go out to dinner.” (this is my, “we’re going to have a great time look!”)

(They establish Friday as the date night.) So, here they are at the restaurant. Let’s observe them:

His total focus is on the food. Watching him, it’s not difficult to see, he is really enjoying it. On the other hand, she could care less about the food. She’s kind of poking at it while shifting it around. He looks up and sees she’s not making much progress. So, he questions, “Aren’t you hungry?” With a slight degree of disgust on her face and in her voice, she says, “No.”

He can’t pass up this golden opportunity.  Hardly hiding his anxiousness, he asks, “Can I have it?”

Almost as if she hopes it spills on him, she quickly shoves it across the table (not to him) at him. His perception is, she really wants him to have it right now!

But here’s the bottom-line problem: the average husband thinks that you go out to a restaurant with your wife… to eat.

HUSBANDS: You never go out to dinner alone with your wife to eat! You are there for the alone time with your wife. A time you can dedicate to her. You may also eat. But that’s not why you’re there!

This only one of many scenarios that effectively illustrates the difficulties that can come from not understanding the specific differences between men & women.

To learn more join us at the LIVE Discovery Seminar in Phoenix, AZ September 9-10, 2016 or purchase the DVD Discovery Seminar here.