The Feeling of Loneliness by Nancy Nair
The other day a lady asked me: I am so lonely… my house is full of noise and things going on all around me, but me…. inside of me I am all alone. What can I do about that? I have tried to share this with my husband who wants to just sit and watch TV in the evenings because it helps him to unwind. I guess that is what he needs but I need him to want to do things with me. When we were younger and taking time for each other I didn’t feel this lonely feeling inside of me. It has been such a long time since we have done something together I don’t even know what I want to do. Can you help me?
Answer: I hear that so often from women. It breaks my heart to know that it is more than just going out that we need. At first that is what we think we need, but after doing all kinds of things together… like taking a walk, taking a drive… going to the park… playing games, you still have this lonely feeling inside of you because it was just “things to do” for him and we sense that. We need him to be excited to be with us. And, God wants that too. It is sad to think that when we have children we don’t take the time to be with our husbands because we are so busy. He is busy making money for the family and we are busy doing things in the home. Some of us even have to go to work and that makes it even harder. As time goes by, we begin to feel lonely and because he is working off of being a mechanical man, it is hard for him to start thinking about how to emotionally get back to the place he was when he met us.
So, I think that if you have tried to share with him that you are lonely and he still doesn’t know what to do to fill the need, I would get a little book and every day put the date down and what your day was like and how you needed him to be there with you. Let him know that the book is sitting on the dresser and you would like him to read it each night. Remember to do this every day for a year, because you may need that many days before he says “I can’t do that to her anymore… I need to understand why I don’t want to spend that time with her”. I know that it seems like a long time to help him understand what your need is. Remember it is worth it! If he responds, you can spend the rest of your life enjoying each other. If you have any questions or prayer requests, please email me at Nancy@lifepartners.org