Relationship Help | Eliminating the Feeling of Longing

A Letter to Whom it May Concern… by Nancy Nair

The following was written by a woman attending the Christ-Quest Institute several years ago. I believe it illustrates the longing all wives have for their husbands to know — really know — them, as Christ knows them. Do you agree?

  “My greatest desire is to be known, for someone to know me. Of course, I need this ‘someone’ to be my husband. All my life I’ve had to stand for me. No one fought for me, so I fought for me. “The grief of what is missing between my husband and me is overwhelming, yet I am left to stand alone, with Christ, again. Left to stand alone. Left to defend my soul alone, alone and lonely. “I look into the mirror, I look into my eyes, I look into my soul and I don’t know how to be seen, to be known. But just as books and information can be available, there must be someone who desires to take it in. Aside from MY GOD, there is no one who desires to take in my being, to understand my passions, my hungers, my sadness, needs. “Who desires to know me? Who, tell me, is content alone? Content to stand alone? Content to fight for themselves — for always? Does not every heart need and hunger? “People say I am nails: strong, confident. I look unneeding. But I do need. I am very hurt. How can I turn over every stone in my soul? God will you? “I desire to be known — to be a being who is true, safe, loved and who professes her God with every drop of my life. Will others see me? Will others see You, Lord? Can others see at all? (My husband just walked in and out of the room.) “He walks in, he walks out. Do the tears matter? No. Nothing matters. They are not counted by him. Would he brush my hair gently aside to look and see? Would he desire to know where I am? What I feel? How I process? “Seems, yet again, the answer when asked about my life, is no.”

A Christ-like husband’s wife would be able to answer, “Yes!”


One thought on “Relationship Help | Eliminating the Feeling of Longing

  1. Martha Vergunst

    This morning God revealed the problem with popular psychology in marriage counseling which teaches that both husband and wife must lead the effort to have a better marriage. He showed me that adhering to that mentality puts marriage relationships in a stale-mate situation, each waiting for the other to move without realizing that no (lasting) move/change can be made without God’s help.

    Jesus did not die for His bride (the church) because she was loving, obedient, submissive and respectful. He died so that she would see how much she is love which would give her the ability to respond in love, obedience, submission and respect.

    God has made men to be leaders and women to be responders. I pray that men everywhere will begin to step into the LEADERSHIP role that Ken Nair points out so beautifully in his book, “Discovering the Mind of a Woman”, understanding that women will eventually RESPOND. I also pray that women would resist the urge to lead, even though many might be able to do it. The problem I see is that if a woman leads and the husband responds, she will never feel his love and he will never be respected by her. Neither will get what they desire most. God’s way is the only way.

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