Have you ever been sitting with your husband and looking around you see another couple and they haven’t said one word to each other? Why is that, do they not know each other anymore? Have they lost the ability to play and laugh together like they did when they were young?
I believe that if a young couple will find out everything about how the other was raised, discovering how their family did things, they would get an understanding of how the other person is going respond to life.
For example, if you are a girl or a young man and you were raised in a family that just never talks, you can reasonably expect that they won’t be very talkative about things either. If their family likes spending money more than saving money, that is how that person will relate to family finances. You might even want to find out about how they celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacations, Mothers day, Fathers Day etc. I know of couples whose first year of marriage is full of difficulties. One of the couple’s family is upset with them because they are not celebrating the holidays the same way it has always been celebrated. Or, they can’t enjoy holidays because one family may get mad that you are going to the other person’s family.
These young couples will try their hardest to spend time with each family, on the same day, so that no one will feel left out. But, by the time they get home they are exhausted because they tried to make everyone else happy. These are very important things to talk about if you are getting serious and are thinking of getting married. Large fights come from these types of issues.
Discuss together how you want each of these holidays to be celebrated. You could even talk with your family before you get married about what it will take to please each of the families, since you can’t be in two places at once.
Too often it is… oh boy we are getting married and everything is going to be so wonderful. We will be on our own and can make our home special. It’s more than that. It’s being considerate of both moms and how they are going to miss having each of you around them. Moms are really great, but you will need to take the time to talk with them about all those important things. Along the way get to know their ideas about how to include everyone without hurting anyone’s feelings.
If you will practice discussing all those things, you won’t end up being one of those 40 or 50 year old couples who go out for dinner but never talk with each other. You will be one of the blessed ones who are still having fun with each other. Take the time while you are young and build the structure of your marriage on the solid ground of conversational skills. You will not be sorry if you make God first, wife and husband next, family important and then fit in your job. Money pays all the bills but it would be a shame to be paying bills and have a terrible marriage because that was the focus.