Last week we discussed the encouragement of ways to be a more efficient helper for our husbands. We saw that our husbands do not know that they are ignorant in relationships and that God designed the wife to be a helper to show him things to bring understanding to his spirit. Then we saw how we need to share with them the character we see that needs to be changed and not mention mechanical solutions.
This is hard for me, is it hard for you? What I found was when I saw things and shared it came across like I was nitpicking. For example, the wife may ask the husband to help her out more. She may suggest to help by putting the kids to bed for her. So he does. She walks into the kitchen and sees a mess. Highly emotional, she may express the frustration of how no one ever helps. Said husband may become defensive and say, “Hey! I just helped put the kids to bed!” The issue isn’t the kids or the kitchen. She is feeling uncared for, devalued and a host of other emotions.
How do we get this across better? Well, I am glad you asked! I suggest writing him a note (or a letter) that does not deal with mechanical solutions, but how you are feeling and what character quality you see. Some women have a hard time discovering what is at the bottom of the situation. If you go through the emotions list you can write down those emotions which may help you get to an idea. If you still need help, please set up an appointment for women at the CQI office. When he goes to work, if you give it to him in his lunch, he is able to be alone with the Holy Spirit and let Him do work in his heart. He can be defensive, but you are not there to get caught up in a discussion that will go in a bad direction. Hopefully, by the time he arrives home he can more calmly discuss how he can care better for your spirit.
What do you do with your emotions while you wait? Not much. They will be there no matter what you try to do; however, you can pray. Pray for the Holy Spirit as He works with your husband. Our emotions have the ability to help us better express our spirit to our husbands. This is what informs them as the leader to become un-ignorant and able to care for the family’s spirits.
Just a thought. Try thinking through what you would like to see for the holiday season in the spirits of the family. Write your husband a letter sharing how that will look, what your expectations are and remember…character issues over mechanical solutions!