Relationship Help | How to Handle the Difficult Issue of Porn in Your Marriage

gfdMy heart goes out to the women who have husbands that are addicted to porn and just can’t seem to get rid of that sin. So I would love to help them understand what they can do to not feel completely unacceptable to their man. I know guys that you hate that you are addicted to something that God is watching you do and it is hard to break because it is so available by phone or even ads today. But, I am talking with the girls and Ken loves to help you guys so give him a call. Each of you can go to our website and book your appointments with Nancy/women counseling and Ken/men needing help. To get Ken you have to book a counseling session.

It is getting harder to work with the girls when they don’t feel very good about themselves. In addition to that, they spend a large part of the day watching their children. Sadly, few rarely get asked out on a date by their husbands, then the feelings of loneliness grow and she can begin to feel as though she can hardly make it through the day. Often, the financial picture keeps them from doing anything that could help them. I talk to girls every day who feel really trapped and want it to be like it was when they first got married.

We are part of the partnership in marriage, designed by God, to bring the guys back emotionally with Him. God says that the husband’s prayers are hindered if they don’t understand their wives. One of the things that we are required to do is to speak the truth. When we see the husband do something we know is wrong, we need to be able to talk with our husbands, and help them feel the emotion that causes in him. Sometimes that backfires on us because we feel we need to make them do what we see, but even God doesn’t make us do something He wants us to do. God does want us to be honest and then allow the Holy Spirit to move them. I always share with the girls that Ken wanted me to share with him the things I saw in his life that were not like Christ. I would share, but at first he would just hear me and make no moves to change what I saw him doing that I knew would hurt him and us. This is what causes us women to keep nagging about it (nagging is what man calls the continued sharing), because the issue is still there and God keeps prompting us to share. I learned I could share; but, not make it happen. Ken had to want to do it because he knew it hurt his walk with God. As he started wanting my help, it became easier and easier to share as I began to see him want to do it.

One of the things that I feel is so important is to make sure you always share the things that are hurting you or your children. If you find that when you share it only turns into a battle don’t share verbally. Get a large notebook and everyday mark down your feels (only your feelings) and let your husband know that at any time if he wants to find out where you are emotionally and why you are hurting so badly, that he can read from the notebook.  Keep it in a place where he knows that he can find it. Don’t miss a day for at least the first 40 days that you are starting this emotional journey. If this helps your husband understand where you are at, and he starts to care for your spirit because he doesn’t like you to hurt, please don’t stop doing your emotional notebook just because you see him caring. We need him to create a habit to where he begins to have a quest, finding out where your heart is each day.

Never feel like you are alone. We are here to help you. Sometimes, you want to say something, but it is so difficult to either start the conversation or even know how to share your heart. Finding the right words can be difficult for some. Whatever you feel that you need support in, please contact us and we can sit together and brainstorm together of how to approach it. Often we just need another person to give us courage and wisdom.

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One thought on “Relationship Help | How to Handle the Difficult Issue of Porn in Your Marriage

  1. Hi,

    I really appreciate your response to this marriage destroying issue. My wife and I went through this process several years ago, and we have come out of it better than we started. God had a plan but it was painful as we were going through it. She has written her story on His Porn. Your Pain. Healed (pornpainhealed.com).

    I really wish there were more support for the women. We have met a few recently that feel completely lost as to what to do.

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