Men. Did you know that you have an abundant amount of power?
You have the power to destroy or the power to build up and lead. What will you choose?
I often hear men say something along the lines of “I try to make her happy…”. It makes me cringe. While I love when my husband makes me happy, I do not want him doing things just to make me happy. Does that make sense?
My desire is that he will tap into God; the One who created marriage and align himself so closely to His ways. That is what truly makes me happy. I remember sharing my heart of things that I needed help with around our home. We talked about how my spirit would be cared for with HOW he did these things. Sadly, the mechanical part of my husband kicked in and the things got done. However, when I brought up how my spirit was hurting; defensiveness struck. I heard all about how amazing he was in doing allll “the things”. Now, most women will be tracking with me, but many men will get stuck on how logically my husband took care of what I asked for.
The area that got missed was the heart of how he did the “job”. It was done mechanically and he missed out on seeing my & the family’s heart in the situation. What does that mean? Well, if he were to enter into my heart he might have realized that while he was, let’s say, doing the dishes, the kids were arguing. Instead of stopping the dishes, coming over to see what was going on with the kids and caring for their spirit as well as shepherding them to Christ, he yelled at them and told them to knock it off.
Another example was taking out the trash. Instead of being a team and teaching our kids how important it was to work together as a family; he made it a rule. The kids would do fine for a while. But then after some time, as all kids do, they failed to be consistent and obedient. He and I sat down and talked how it was our responsibility to teach them about values and work ethic. We had a plan. His heart was seeing the need to expect them to be sinners and to be ready to guide them. Then they didn’t do it again. Yep. He pulled everyone into the kitchen and began to scold them in a very harsh and demeaning way. That was not part of the plan.
As you can imagine, that did not care for any one’s spirit. It didn’t lead anyone to Christ. It brushed the kids off so that he could “make me happy” and get the dishes finished. I then would tell him that I honestly would have rathered the dishes not get finished and for him to love and care for our children. The lessons of how to be a team and be responsible in taking out the trash was not accomplished. Their feelings were hurt, I was discouraged (and mad), and the kids only obeyed to “not get in trouble”.
Men. Are you scratching your head and thinking that I am nuts? I am almost 100% positive that every woman reading this totally agrees. The heart of the home; love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are the characteristics that we want. We so want a man to use the power God has given him to guide him in his role as a leader. To be able to look at the spirit. To find ways to make each one feel peace, joy, love etc. And, then when everyone settles down, to go back and finish the dishes. Perhaps even including the kids to help out.
It is the heart of the home we are longing for. The power of the husband to lead us there. Not to get the jobs done.