Words of Encouragement | What Will Today Bring Into Our Lives And What Will We Learn From Them?

hfToday, I received a prayer card from the Christian Health Care that we have our insurance through. I like it because every month I get to see who we are sending help to. I opened up the envelope today and my prayer card made me cry. Her name is Teresa and her husband passed away unexpectedly in his sleep.

I think the reason it struck me so hard was because Ken has been having some small strokes which caused him to lose his memory for around 2 to 5 hours. The first one was last month while we were in Colorado. We had to take him to the hospital to have some tests done. It only lasted for such a short time and by the time the doctor began checking him he had his memory back. So, they sent him home and he was just fine the rest of the trip.

We went to California this last weekend. While sitting in his brother’s living room talking to our niece (who started her own charter school) about how he would love to start a school for CQM.   While she was talking with him about it, all of a sudden he said, “Who wrote these notes on this paper?” Our niece said to him, “Uncle Kenny you wrote those notes on that paper”. From that point he couldn’t remember anything. He wondered how we got there, where we were at, and forgot that we went to see a friend before coming down to visit his brother. Well guess what? We went back to the hospital and again he had all kinds of test done but could find nothing wrong; except that his triglycerides were really high and he needed to bring them down. They kept him for two days and did more checking, but because he got his memory back before they did all these tests they didn’t see anything wrong. In fact, he is really healthy except for this memory loss which they call a TIA (which is a mini stroke). They told me that if it happened again I had to call 911 and get him right to the hospital.

So, when I got that prayer card I thought about all of the husbands and wives that are going through things like this. Sometimes it is almost too much to bear. I know because I am so worried now about if he could have a stroke that may take him home with God and I wouldn’t have him anymore. Because we don’t know if it will happen again, it keeps Ken and me very close as we pray for our health and for our children.

Time is so short and nothing is as important as being there for each other. Hugs are so important; it is like medicine and we do a lot of that just because we never know when the last hug could be. Ken, my best friend in the entire world, sat across from me in that living room not remembering anything. Trying to stay calm, with my heart about to break, watching him was really hard; but I didn’t want to scare him. I just wanted him to know we were all there for him. Not only that, but you also have your children who are not there to see what is happening to their dad. So much sadness!

For all of you that are going through some really sad times, my heart goes out to you. What in the world would we do without God being there for us each and every day? I thank God’s Son for dying for all my sins. This helps me to be able to know that God sees me through His Son who took all those sins and took them to the cross. I have to thank God for sending His Son and I thank Jesus for being willing every day to have an intimate relationship with me.



Words of Encouragement | Finding Release From A Husband Who Won’t Change

aWhat is a woman to do when her husband will not minister to her spirit? So many times we get asked, “What do I do with my heart in the meantime?”

Well, when two become one; they become one. Most men think this oneness is sexually but in actuality it is a oneness of heart/spirit, body and mind. Often, not having sex is a surface problem coming from the root problem of a broken heart/spirit and mind.

A woman’s physical being will be effected by what is going on in her spirit. At first, she may fake it and try to keep up with the appearances that all is just fine. Eventually, the decision is made to either fight or quit.

Women have been taught to lie. That lie is: when things are bad between them she needs to keep quiet, support her husband, and to pray for him. She is told that those things will take care of the problem. She does these and years later, very often, when the prayers are not answered (because he is still not portraying Christ to her) and she is exhausted, torn up and worn out; she gives up. And, too many times we even see her turn away from God.

We teach that a woman needs to trust her emotions. If things seem unsuccessful; things are unsuccessful. If you are feeling defeated; things are probably defeating. Her heart is a reflection of the state of where they are in their marriage and his failure to lead them towards following Christ.

Well, what is a wife to do if her husband refuses to listen to her heart? She could write him letters. This helps to get it off her heart and onto paper. (Not to confuse you, we are not saying it “disappears” from your heart…it is just a good way to find some release.) It is also a safe way to share her feelings, thoughts and hurts with her husband. Perhaps she can actually give these letters to her husband if she feels safe. Until that time when she can feel safe enough to actually speak with him, she can continue to write letters on a regular basis. Years ago, Nancy would write notes to Ken placing them in his lunch box when he went to work. At lunch, when he would read them, he found (since she wasn’t there) he had been left to debate with the Holy Spirit instead of her. That way when he got home, due to his quest to be Christ-like, he was able to discuss it with her from a better place because he had the time to think about it from lunch until he got home.

Another way of finding release from the pressure of feeling useless and unloved is to find a place to invest her time; such as a soup kitchen, nursing home, or other place of benevolence. Investing in other’s lives can be so rewarding. It is a place where one can feel loved and that feels good! Reaching out to others who are hurting can be soothing to your heart.

Sadly these probably will not bring resolution to your marriage; however, it can give you the relief you need to press forward. If you need to just have someone to listen to your heart who will not give you the above mentioned advice that you are the one who can “heal” your relationship; feel free to call Nancy at the office to make an appointment! We are here to support you and pray with you.

Words of Encouragement | Biblical Strength For Staying On Course

936388_10201231433256276_1799036050_nDo you ever feel like you just cannot do something? Is it because you are either completely spent, inexperienced, or simply unsure of yourself? Well, take heart. Hebrews 4:14-16 reminds us that Jesus Christ felt like He couldn’t so things at times. It says: (14) Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. (15) For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. (16) Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Paul wrote to the church in Philippi, thanking them for their help during troublesome times. But he was quick to state where the true help came from. He revealed to them that It is Christ who gave him strength.

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

What an awesome reminder that since Jesus Christ was tempted as we are and knows exactly what we go through, that we can call out to Him to give us strength. Yet, sometimes it can be easier said than done. So, I have decided to put a few things on here to help you stay the course:
• Read your Bible every single day.
• Read a book, such as God’s Promises. They have subjects to look up and then fill that with verses about the subject.
• Memorize at least one of those scriptures.
• Find a friend who can walk along side of you through this difficult time.
• Pray. Even find a prayer partner and pray together once a week.
• Speak out-loud; telling yourself that God is your strength.
• Make a list of what you want to accomplish. Post it where you can read it often.
• Give yourself a break! Take baby steps when needed.

So, whether it is a New Year’s resolution or a spiritual battle, remember that Jesus is your High Priest and He alone is your strength. Call us here at the office if you cannot find someone to talk with. We want you to know that we are here for you! Call Christ Quest Ministries anytime at 602-485-5115 to set up a discipleship call with Ken or Nancy Nair for mentoring unlike anything you have experienced before.

Words of Encouragement | Effectively Being a Help Meet Part 2

discovery1Last week we discussed the encouragement of ways to be a more efficient helper for our husbands. We saw that our husbands do not know that they are ignorant in relationships and that God designed the wife to be a helper to show him things to bring understanding to his spirit. Then we saw how we need to share with them the character we see that needs to be changed and not mention mechanical solutions.

This is hard for me, is it hard for you? What I found was when I saw things and shared it came across like I was nitpicking. For example, the wife may ask the husband to help her out more. She may suggest to help by putting the kids to bed for her. So he does. She walks into the kitchen and sees a mess. Highly emotional, she may express the frustration of how no one ever helps. Said husband may become defensive and say, “Hey! I just helped put the kids to bed!” The issue isn’t the kids or the kitchen. She is feeling uncared for, devalued and a host of other emotions.

How do we get this across better? Well, I am glad you asked! I suggest writing him a note (or a letter) that does not deal with mechanical solutions, but how you are feeling and what character quality you see. Some women have a hard time discovering what is at the bottom of the situation. If you go through the emotions list you can write down those emotions which may help you get to an idea. If you still need help, please set up an appointment for women at the CQI office. When he goes to work, if you give it to him in his lunch, he is able to be alone with the Holy Spirit and let Him do work in his heart. He can be defensive, but you are not there to get caught up in a discussion that will go in a bad direction. Hopefully, by the time he arrives home he can more calmly discuss how he can care better for your spirit.

What do you do with your emotions while you wait? Not much. They will be there no matter what you try to do; however, you can pray. Pray for the Holy Spirit as He works with your husband. Our emotions have the ability to help us better express our spirit to our husbands. This is what informs them as the leader to become un-ignorant and able to care for the family’s spirits.

Just a thought. Try thinking through what you would like to see for the holiday season in the spirits of the family. Write your husband a letter sharing how that will look, what your expectations are and remember…character issues over mechanical solutions!

Words of Encouragement | Effectively Being a Help Meet Part 1

discovery1Over the next few months we are going to go into ways to bring encouragement to your spirit by finding out more and more of how to be an effective help meet.

1 Timothy 1:12-14 is a passage in scripture where Paul, who is a brilliant man, shares how he acted in ignorance. What was he ignorant in? He wasn’t aware of the Spirit of God and thus was a blasphemer, persecutor and a violent man.

The role wives have as helper is given by God. However, it is tough to know exactly how to act in this role. Wives naturally see the relational (spiritual) problems and intuitively operate in a way to bring resolution. When they see a problem; they see a spiritual issue but give a mechanical solution. Then the husband seeks out to mechanically bring resolution. However, the true issue is an issue of a spiritual/relational matter. How do we women do this then?

Don’t give mechanical solutions. You will end up talking in circles. Learn how to talk spirit to spirit. If you enter into the world of bringing solutions, you end up being the spiritual leader. We try to compensate as a way of filling the void we see in the relationship/s.
How do you talk spirit to spirit? Reveal the character issue. Do you see pride? Do you see selfishness? Share your heart and how he is making you feel. What emotions are you feeling? If we begin to give solutions, we begin to manage. You say, “If I do not tell him what he needs to do, then things will fall apart!” What if God wants things to fall apart? God is great at giving men clues. So often, we get in the way. God wants to bring change about in the heart of men.

It may take a while for him to realize you are not going to manage things anymore. But, are you willing for things to fall apart so God can reprove him? We want him to pick up the gauntlet and take the quest as his own. The goal is that the husband and wife will seek God’s ways together. When his heart is humbled and he truly has a quest that is his own, a husband and wife can seek solutions together by speaking spirit to spirit.

Husbands, may I encourage you to continue to do your projects and event cards daily! Look at each situation and ask, “God, what are you trying to teach me through this event?” Meet with your CQM mentor. Read your Bible daily. Pray together daily. Don’t quit; even when it gets hard. Refuse to stay ignorant! The reward that God has for those who seek Him is indescribable.

Words of Encouragement | Will Anyone Listen and Care?

HangoutwithgkenIn talking with women, I have continued to hear something that is very concerning. It seems like women are confused about what their role in a marriage is. No one has taught them that they have a “job” that God gave them when they got married. I love to speak with young girls when they are thinking about getting married about this subject.

For example, I was talking with a lady this week. As we talked, she shared how she feels trapped. She was being so abused verbally by her husband. It was interesting that he only spoke abusively to her when no one was around. I could hear defeat in her voice and I asked her, “Do you have any money at all to do something fun?” She shared with me that she had a lot of children, so there was no time to go and have fun. As she continued talking, she shared that the children were upset at her as well. Their dad was always loving and kind to them; they couldn’t understand why she was always hurting. She spent many hours crying and the children couldn’t understand why. She tried to share with them about their dad’s verbal abuse to her, but they didn’t believe her.

My heart was grieved that there was no one who believed her. She was all alone with a very hurt heart. Can you just imagine no place to go…no mother to talk with, no sisters or brothers to talk with and by this time her friends were tired of hearing her hurts. They didn’t see any physical signs of being hurt. TRAPPED is where she lived and no one to help her.

This leaves me wondering; is there really no one who will just listen with a woman who is in need no matter how long it takes? That is the help she needs, because as she speaks all the things he is doing to her with no judgment from whoever she is talking with she will feel loved. Once she can feel someone loves her, she can start thinking about what she needs to do. Once she is out of the TRAP, she will be able to ask for help. Before that she just needed someone to believe in her.

She was not in any danger to be killed physically, but she was in danger of being killed spiritually. THAT GIVES NO HOPE TO A PERSON.

If only I had the funds to sit and listen to women all day long, only giving her someone to talk with (but not giving advice until she asked). I would love that. It would keep her from getting sick; which is what usually happens to someone with no hope.

My heart goes out to women who are trapped in any kind of situation that will harm them. I want you to know that I am here for you. Because I am also doing other things in the office, sometimes I either won’t be able to talk at the very moment you call or for longer than your scheduled appointment time. It would be great if there was someone who could donate and start a fund only for women who are in need and cannot afford an appointment. Please contact Nancy Nair at 602-485-5115 if that is something you would love to do. Your first 1 hour appointment with Nancy is FREE!

Words of Encouragement | God Uses a Puzzle in a Man’s Life




One of our CQI students (a husband and wife), seeing this posting about puzzles, decided that they would also put together a puzzle. After they had been working on it for some time, his wife was looking for a particular piece. It seemed easy to find because of its distinguished markings with colors. The husband, after carefully looking at each piece three times, authoritatively announced that it was missing. Shortly thereafter, his wife picked it up and placed it in its spot. In disbelief he asked, “Where did you find that?!?” She pointed to a spot right in front of him. Which made him reflect, “Hmmm, how many times have I sought to “fix” one of our relationship problems and couldn’t find the solution. And it ended up that the answer was right in front of me! My wife! She had the exact “piece” that I needed to put in place and when I listened, understood and applied her suggestion, it worked!” He stood in admiration at how God provided him with this learning opportunity through a puzzle!

Christ Quest Ministries would love to hear any stories like this that you have experienced to highlight them on our Facebook Page for others to learn from. Comment back on this posting and let us hear about your learning opportunity that God provided you.