Arguments continue without solutions. On, on, on, on. Frustrations continue day-after-day, mo. after mo. yr. after yr.
If we’re going to build the kind of spiritual leadership that inspires confidence in others; that leadership will necessarily, have to illustrate the ability to understand the specific differences between men and women.
Here’s what I mean:
A wife says to husband: “Our marriage sure doesn’t have any life to it anymore. We could just as easily be divorced. I don’t even believe you love me anymore.”
Puzzled, her husband reacts with a grimacing question on his face: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She states matter-of-factly: “I don’t think you care about our marriage anymore.”
He judges her: “That’s ridiculous! Why do you say stupid things like that?”
She offers her reasons: “Well… we never spend any time together anymore. You’re always too busy for us.”
He gets defensive: “Well, what do you want from me? I’m only trying to do what I need to, so I can provide for my family.”
She gets vulnerable: “What do I want from you? I want more time! But you know what I really wish? I wish you wanted to spend more time with me.”
He snaps back: “Well I do!” (This is my, “you’ll be glad you spent time with me look!”)
She’s doubtful: “Then why don’t we do more things together?”
He challenges her: “Like what?”
She reflects back: “F-o-r example, we never go out for dinner together.”
Defensively he shoots back: “Okay, you want to go out to dinner, then we’ll go out to dinner.” (this is my, “we’re going to have a great time look!”)
(They establish Friday as the date night.) So, here they are at the restaurant. Let’s observe them:
His total focus is on the food. Watching him, it’s not difficult to see, he is really enjoying it. On the other hand, she could care less about the food. She’s kind of poking at it while shifting it around. He looks up and sees she’s not making much progress. So, he questions, “Aren’t you hungry?” With a slight degree of disgust on her face and in her voice, she says, “No.”
He can’t pass up this golden opportunity. Hardly hiding his anxiousness, he asks, “Can I have it?”
Almost as if she hopes it spills on him, she quickly shoves it across the table (not to him) at him. His perception is, she really wants him to have it right now!
But here’s the bottom-line problem: the average husband thinks that you go out to a restaurant with your wife… to eat.
HUSBANDS: You never go out to dinner alone with your wife to eat! You are there for the alone time with your wife. A time you can dedicate to her. You may also eat. But that’s not why you’re there!
This only one of many scenarios that effectively illustrates the difficulties that can come from not understanding the specific differences between men & women.