Relationship Help | Marriage Lessons


Discovery-Seminar-DVD-case-HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO RESOLVE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN?

Arguments continue without solutions. On, on, on, on. Frustrations continue day-after-day, mo. after mo. yr. after yr.

If we’re going to build the kind of spiritual leadership that inspires confidence in others; that leadership will necessarily, have to illustrate the ability to understand the specific differences between men and women.

Here’s what I mean:

A wife says to husband: “Our marriage sure doesn’t have any life to it anymore.  We could just as easily be divorced.  I don’t even believe you love me anymore.”

Puzzled, her husband reacts with a grimacing question on his face: “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She states matter-of-factly: “I don’t think you care about our marriage anymore.”

He judges her: “That’s ridiculous! Why do you say stupid things like that?”

She offers her reasons: “Well… we never spend any time together anymore. You’re always too busy for us.”

He gets defensive: “Well, what do you want from me? I’m only trying to do what I need to, so I can provide for my family.”

She gets vulnerable: “What do I want from you? I want more time! But you know what I really wish? I wish you wanted to spend more time with me.”

He snaps back: “Well I do!” (This is my, “you’ll be glad you spent time with me look!”)

She’s doubtful: “Then why don’t we do more things together?”

He challenges her: “Like what?”

She reflects back: “F-o-r example, we never go out for dinner together.”

Defensively he shoots back: “Okay, you want to go out to dinner, then we’ll go out to dinner.” (this is my, “we’re going to have a great time look!”)

(They establish Friday as the date night.) So, here they are at the restaurant. Let’s observe them:

His total focus is on the food. Watching him, it’s not difficult to see, he is really enjoying it. On the other hand, she could care less about the food. She’s kind of poking at it while shifting it around. He looks up and sees she’s not making much progress. So, he questions, “Aren’t you hungry?” With a slight degree of disgust on her face and in her voice, she says, “No.”

He can’t pass up this golden opportunity.  Hardly hiding his anxiousness, he asks, “Can I have it?”

Almost as if she hopes it spills on him, she quickly shoves it across the table (not to him) at him. His perception is, she really wants him to have it right now!

But here’s the bottom-line problem: the average husband thinks that you go out to a restaurant with your wife… to eat.

HUSBANDS: You never go out to dinner alone with your wife to eat! You are there for the alone time with your wife. A time you can dedicate to her. You may also eat. But that’s not why you’re there!

This only one of many scenarios that effectively illustrates the difficulties that can come from not understanding the specific differences between men & women.

To learn more join us at the LIVE Discovery Seminar in Phoenix, AZ September 9-10, 2016 or purchase the DVD Discovery Seminar here.

 

 

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Concept Review | How To Be Become Irresistible To Your Wife


18_largeUnderstand, Lead and Love Your Wife in Such a Powerful, Christ-Like Way that You Become Irresistible to Her as You Create a Marriage of Love and Peace by Ken Nair

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” Proverb 18:22

There are two words in this Scripture that today, in our modern society, tend to lend themselves to potential misuse. The words are “good” and “thing.”

This verse, then, seems to be a passage that needs some clarification. I have heard men express gratitude toward their wives in many areas, ranging from cooking to sex. But seldom, if ever, have I heard expressions of gratitude for her spiritually significant thoughts.

Without clarification, the words “good” and “thing” can be defined by whomever the reader happens to be, man or woman. And, too often, a woman’s frame of reference about what Scripture is saying is influenced by a man’s thinking.

It’s a shame when we men think the good  which we would gain from a wife, that God is referring to, is that which will benefit our earth-bound, physical lives. Yes, the good can also benefit our physical lives, but I believe that God, being spiritual, intends that we would primarily derive mostly spiritual benefits from a wife.

Let’s do a word study to enhance our perspective, as we seek to understand this important verse.

Findeth (Hebrew: mâtsâ´, maw-tsaw´) to come forth, appear, exist, to attain, find, acquire, meet

Wife (Hebrew: ‘ishshâw, ish-shaw´) female, one together, wife, woman

Good (Hebrew: tôwb, tobe) good, better, best, in favor, fine

Thing (the word, thing, is not in the original language. It is added to give definition to the word, good.)

Obtaineth (Hebrew: pûwq, pook) to secure

Favor (Hebrew: râtsôwn, raw-tsone´) delight, favor, acceptable, good, pleasure

As we reflect on this creation we call woman, identified by God as Helper, it is important that we try to maintain God’s perspective as we reflect on this thing that will be for our “good”. That way we can derive the benefits that God intends.

Many of the physical tasks we face require two people. Doesn’t it make sense, then, that having a  constant  helper  in  our  spiritual  lives would also provide even more spiritual benefits? Unfortunately, most people do not consider that becoming spiritually mature requires two people in order to experience greater success.

It is typical for men to think independently. Even Scripture tells us we have a problem with our thinking. The Bible says, “Every man thinks he is right in his own eyes.” (Proverb 21:2) So, it is likely that a man’s unChrist-Likeness is not so apparent to him, even though it certainly is more noticeable to others.

This being the case, and considering the long-range and time-intensive investment necessary to accomplish the goal of Christ-Likeness in a man, how likely is it that anyone besides a wife would want to make that kind of time-intensive investment? Who, besides a wife, is willing to invest in a man’s personal, spiritual growth and run the risk of his reactions? Who, besides a wife, is willing to invest the kind of emotional stress that is inherent in helping a man (even if it is his own quest) in putting his flesh/sin nature to death, so that he might become more and more Christ-Like?

It seems that the person who is the most likely to make such a  commitment is the same person who stands to benefit the most. That person has to be around that man enough that he eventually sets aside all of his pretenses, resulting in  the real man being exposed — the hidden, unChrist-Like man. If a man’s genuine goal is to discover his flesh/sin nature, and put it to death in order to become more Christ-like, then it is indeed a blessing to have his own personal, ongoing revealer of his flesh, his soul’s enemy: which is his wife.

That is the kind of thinking that allows a man to understand God’s purpose when He wrote Proverb 18:22, paraphrased as follows:

He who, [because of God’s generous, loving foresight, made the attractions so strong that a man] would want to acquire a female to be one together with, attains [gains, is able to go, from good to better to] best, and he also is issued, [as furnished to him, has secured for him, as a part of God’s design for his life,] delight, favor, pleasure and goodness in the spiritual realm, as well as the physical realm.

Why? Because a husband has someone helping him to see his spiritual capacity to portray Christ (or not), so that he can attain that high calling in Christ Jesus. That man, becoming more and more like Christ, will be achieving a greater degree of spiritual maturity allowing him to care, as Christ would, for the spirits of all of those in his family for whom he is responsible.

That’s a whole lot of information coming from just eight words!

A man who acquires a woman as his wife will, as a natural by-product and if he will accept it, also acquire betterment for himself. This betterment is secured for him because it delights the Lord and gives the Lord great pleasure to favor a man in this way.

Now that is a good thing!

A prayer: God, it has always been Your plan to bless me. Help me to recognize more and more of Your ways and the blessings that accompany them. Let me recognize that every relationship, especially my relationship with my wife, is intended to bring blessings. Let me seek You and Your  blessings in all that I do. I ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

Words Of Encouragement | Live With Intention


FullSizeRenderLately I have really been meditating on intentional living. So many of us have ideas and thoughts concerning our walk with God, the relationships in our lives and the activities that we would like to do. Yet, we don’t live with intention.

My encouragement in this article, will be to get you thinking about your purpose, your goals, and then how are you planning on getting there. I have two phrases that my family can tell you I do not like, and they are “I will try” and “sorry”. We will leave the “sorry” comment for another article! However, we will address the “I will try”. It is so often an overused and meaningless phrase. Living with intention is not trying, but doing.

The Bible says, “For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish it, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ ” Luke 15:28-30. A wise person sits down and makes a plan; they lay a foundation. May I suggest that you sit down individually to work on a personal purpose statement and then as a couple or family to create a purpose statement for the family. Decide what you want to look back at, in 2017 that you envisioned for 2016 and see what you have accomplished. Men, decide what areas specifically you want to grow in.  This will allow you to be a better leader for the entire family. What a wonderful thing to do every year.

Once you make the plan, decide what you are going to do monthly and weekly. At the end of the day, go to your Heavenly Father and ask Him if He is pleased with your progress. Ask yourself, where did I succeed? Where do I need to work harder tomorrow? Do I need to reconcile anything from today? This is intentional living. Make a list of what you will do for the next day. Keep the list with you and look at it; do the items on the list! So many have grand plans, and yet do not accomplish anything. Change starts with a decision. Plans start with a decision. Decide daily what you can and will do.

God even has plans. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Do you know what His plans are for your life? Do you spend time daily in His Word? His Word is the foundation on which our plans rest. Husbands, do you discuss with your wife and get her thinking about the areas that need a plan in your life and in the home? Do you pray about these plans together?

Eph. 5:15 says, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise.” And James 5:12 says, “Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise you will be condemned.” Living intentionally is being careful and wise on how we live; then doing what we set out to do. When we wake up in the morning, the first thing we should do is to pray over the list we made together as a couple the night before. Just think about how much closer our walk with God will be and how we can look back at what we have intentionally completed if we make the decision to live life with purpose!

Once the decision is made, do it! Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, says he to you; but his heart is not with you.” Will you be a person who thinks in his heart and does it; or a person who thinks it and your “heart is not with you”…aka “I will try”. Let’s choose to live intentionally, daily.

Daily Devotional | Intentional Living


HangoutwithekenLately I have really been meditating on intentional living. So many of us have ideas and thoughts concerning our walk with God, the relationships in our lives and the activities that we would like to do. Yet, we don’t live with intention.

My encouragement in this article, will be to get you thinking about your purpose, your goals, and then how are you planning on getting there. I have two phrases that my family can tell you I do not like, and they are “I will try” and “sorry”. We will leave the “sorry” comment for another article! However, we will address the “I will try”. It is so often an overused and meaningless phrase. Living with intention is not trying, but doing.

The Bible says, “For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish it, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ ” Luke 15:28-30. A wise person sits down and makes a plan; they lay a foundation. May I suggest that you sit down individually to work on a personal purpose statement and then as a couple or family to create a purpose statement for the family. Decide what you want to look back at, in 2017 that you envisioned for 2016 and see what you have accomplished. Men, decide what areas specifically you want to grow in.  This will allow you to be a better leader for the entire family. What a wonderful thing to do every year.

Once you make the plan, decide what you are going to do monthly and weekly. At the end of the day, go to your Heavenly Father and ask Him if He is pleased with your progress. Ask yourself, where did I succeed? Where do I need to work harder tomorrow? Do I need to reconcile anything from today? This is intentional living. Make a list of what you will do for the next day. Keep the list with you and look at it; do the items on the list! So many have grand plans, and yet do not accomplish anything. Change starts with a decision. Plans start with a decision. Decide daily what you can and will do.

God even has plans. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Do you know what His plans are for your life? Do you spend time daily in His Word? His Word is the foundation on which our plans rest. Husbands, do you discuss with your wife and get her thinking about the areas that need a plan in your life and in the home? Do you pray about these plans together?

Eph. 5:15 says, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise.” And James 5:12 says, “Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise you will be condemned.” Living intentionally is being careful and wise on how we live; then doing what we set out to do. When we wake up in the morning, the first thing we should do is to pray over the list we made together as a couple the night before. Just think about how much closer our walk with God will be and how we can look back at what we have intentionally completed if we make the decision to live life with purpose!

Once the decision is made, do it! Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, says he to you; but his heart is not with you.” Will you be a person who thinks in his heart and does it; or a person who thinks it and your “heart is not with you”…aka “I will try”. Let’s choose to live intentionally, daily.

Words of Encouragement | Looking Deeper


80b6c25734b8177219779a990ff77134Years ago, we dug a well. The people we hired came out and set up their equipment and began to drill. They had to go through feet of shale, which is a very hard rock. About 700 feet later, they finally hit water!

Do you ever have days of feeling like you are “digging through feet of shale”? Life can dish us things that are down-right hard. Emotions of weariness, exhaustion, sorrow, depression, anxiety (along with a long list of other emotions) can flood our spirit.

The Lord is our source of Living Water. In John 4:14, Jesus Himself says, “but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

As you go throughout your day “digging” in this well called “life”, please remember that Jesus is offering us something. He clearly is not forcing us, as we can see in this passage, to drink. It is a choice that we make. We can either sit and wallow, or we can drink.

Let’s take some advice from Isaiah 12:3-6. It says, “Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And in that day you will say: ‘Praise the Lord, call upon His name; declare His deeds among the peoples, make mention that His name is exalted. Sing to the Lord, for He has done excellent things; this is known in all the earth. Cry out and shout, O inhabitant of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel in your midst!’”

  • With JOY we will draw water from the well. Choose to rejoice in the good things. Praise His holy name. He has saved us!
  • Call upon His name. Ask Him for His help. He is the one we go to. His name is POWERFUL.
  • Declare the great and excellent things He has done. Let people know what He has done. Remind people that He is to be lifted up.
  • Cry out and shout…sing songs of praise to Him. He is the Holy One. And, He IS in our midst.

It is easy to get caught up in the miseries of life. It is a choice of what we decide to do with life’s trials. But, let’s encourage one another to go to the Living Water and drink; let’s share with others about this Water!

Concept Review | An Interesting Phenomenon


anger (2)1 Corinthians 13:2And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, (love) I am nothing.”

   A good question might be, how could a person have the gift of prophecy, understand all mysteries, have all knowledge and have sufficient faith to move mountains, all of which appear to be characteristics found in someone who is close to God, and still not possess love?

Exodus 7:11 reveals that sorcerers can perform astounding acts.

Acts 16:16 illustrates that even an evil-spirited seer has the ability to announce the truth (an aspect of prophecy) to benefit his own credibility.

The Book of Revelation states that there are false prophets in the world.

This raises a serious question! If we possess these most wonderful attributes, how do we detect whether we actually are of God?  That’s the point of this verse from Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians.

There is one characteristic that evil cannot duplicate or imitate: Love.

Why? Because God is Love. And God became a man, Jesus Christ, to give us a living example of His genuine love.

However, Scripture repeatedly expresses that we are not able to naturally think as God does. Therefore, it is not wise to trust our own evaluations of  whether we convey Christ-Like love.

God has provided a way for a man to legitimately validate his capacity to be loving. That way is through the effects we have on others. However, the primary source for a husband is through his wife. She is the “help” that God speaks of in Genesis.

As a wife validates her husband’s capacity to illustrate love to her, and since God is Love, there will not be a question about whether her husband’s ways are actually of God.

And, if the kind of love that God intends a man to convey to the world is validated by his  wife, then he also is able to teach that Christ-Like love by example to his children.

God wants a man to value his wife’s reflections on his capacity to be loving, and to understand His design for husbands and wives. Then, a man can detect if his ways are actually of God!

A prayer: God, I need to open my eyes and ears and be receptive to my wife’s expressions of whether I am conveying Your kind of love to her. I need the courage to discipline myself, accordingly. Show me creative ways to rearrange my thinking in preparation for this challenge. I ask it in Jesus’ name. Amen.